To Rack And Ruin
by DaemonCat
Summary: Luka begins to lose his grip, and Kei is left to pick up the pieces of his mentor - and himself. R and R. Complete XDD
1. Easy

To Rack And Ruin

_A/N:No one belongs to me. You should be used to that by now. R and R is your friend _

"Ne... Luka?"

_Here it comes,_ thought Luka. _Where did I come from? Why am I here?_ He'd been expecting it. He was only surprised Kei had managed to hold it back for so long. Impatient little sod. He grunted in vague, and unwilling, acknowledgement.

"Why did you turn me?"

Luka stopped without answering, and waited for Kei to catch up, continuing to walk through Mallepa's crowded streets with the younger man at his side. He sighed, breath clouding the air. They both fed early these nights, in a vain attempt to fend off the bone-deep cold of winter. Moments slid lazily past, and they kept on walking.

"Luka?" Kei found the heavy silence unbearable. Luka was deliberately not answering.

"What?" The tone he used made it painfully clear that he didn't want to answer, knowing that Kei was young and would clumsily carry on regardless.

"Why did you turn me?" he asked again, still patient.

"Why did I turn you?" repeated Luka, not even looking at Kei. He was in a bad mood. He let out a short, bitter laugh. "Why not?" Ah, such petty cruelties were all he had left now. The world had grown accustomed to him, and lashing out at himself and his young charge was the only way to assuage his rage.

But Kei looked at him with such wounded, piercing eyes that he relented, hating himself for causing such distress. "I'm sorry, Kei. I didn't mean that." _Goodbye petty cruelty._

Kei didn't reply, just fixed his eyes on the floor and kept walking.

His passivity only annoyed Luka even more. _Dammit, Kei, say something! Yell at me, change the subject, anything! Just don't act the martyr. It doesn't suit you._

"Don't you want to know the reason?" he snapped impatiently.

Kei jumped a mile. "...Yes." He felt his heart rate return to something approaching normal, and tried to look like he hadn't been startled. "But you didn't want to answer."

_What the hell happened to you? Where's the annoying Kei who always asks questions? The naïve Kei who's always putting his foot in it? The inexperienced, emotional mess I've come to actually like?_

There was no answer, and the subject was duly changed. "I'm cold," remarked Kei, as if he hadn't expected anything at all.

_Too damn right,_ thought Luka darkly. _It's fucking scary._

"You never warned me about winter," he continued.

_Fine, we'll play your game. Let's pretend it never happened. _"I'm not perfect. I forgot, I guess." His bad mood began to melt away as he immersed himself in the mundane doings of life. As if he was normal. Pretending was too easy. Dangerously easy. "Fancy a little drink to warm up?"

Kei smiled briefly, as brittle as the slices of sharp sunlight that cut through snow-heavy clouds on a clear winter day. Luka could only just remember what it looked like, what it felt like.

Cold.

"Sure."

It sounded so innocuous to anyone listening. So simple to be a vampire in Mallepa. Because no one cared. And in nightclubs everyone's too drunk or high to know who they are anyway. To Kei and Luka, it was an invitation. The predatory instinct came easily to the two men. Single out the one who strayed from the herd, make him believe they were his friends, convince him he was just leaving and usher him out the back.

They shared this victim, just another nameless faceless mortal, thinking 'waste not, want not'. Another easy meal. That was Luka's problem. Everything was too easy. There was nothing that made him really feel anymore. Except Kei. Kei could provoke those feelings in him, even if it was just annoyance.

"Ah, that's good!" said Kei, with his usual regards for contemplation. He wiped blood from his mouth with the back of his hand, glowing with satisfaction. "So warm!"

Luka relieved the body of its thick winter coat, and slipped it around his own shoulders, ruffling the collar up around his neck.

"What are you doing?" Kei was suddenly appalled.

"What? He doesn't need it." He was pleasantly surprised to note that it was fur-lined. _I don't deserve such a luxury,_ he thought. _Oh well._ "I, on the other hand, intend to get the maximum use out of it."

"You can't do that!"

"Do you want one?" he asked out of politeness.

"No!"

"Then your problem is...?" Luka knew what the problem was. He just wanted to hear him say it out loud. "Go on." It sounded like a challenge.

"It's stealing!" gasped Kei, oblivious to all implications, as usual. "Stealing from... from the dead! It's just ..." He fumbled for words. "Wrong."

Luka stared at him, half in disgust, ignoring the fact that this enigma was what he had begun to miss. "You're unbelievable," he almost spat. "You go out and kill every fucking night; who are you to condemn me?"

"Killing is... different." It sounded lame, even to Kei. He was aware of the proverbially thin ice creaking beneath his weight. "That's survival. This is just... stealing."

"Oh, you'd be surprised," said Luka in a low, acid tone, "at how far survival goes." It takes more than blood to survive. That was rule one.

Kei didn't understand. It was purely the dangerous tone that shut him up.

Luka knew it. _You condemn me for stealing from the dead, and who was it that took the life? Who had the first bite? Killing's second nature to you now, and you're good. Oh damn you're good. And that angel face of yours never slips. Are you that far-gone already?_

"Let's go," he muttered, angry at the world once again.

"You'll ruin me, you know," remarked Kei, and Luka couldn't tell whether he meant it light heartedly or not. The night was growing old, and the languid moon began to pale.

Kei pulled his stolen coat higher, grateful now for the meagre warmth. He hadn't killed this man, partly out of pointed principle and partly because there's only so much a vampire can drink in one night.

"Mm?" Luka glanced at him, dragging himself from his dark thoughts. "You say something?"

"I said you'll ruin me."

"Oh." His dark, brooding eyes returned to the ground and they continued their homeward journey. _I know,_ he thought. _I've done nothing but ruin you. I've ruined you very well. All I can do for you now is try to ruin you gently._

_And that's not enough._


	2. Lonely

Chapter 2

_A/N: Chapter 2 is here. I think I'll change bits of this, I'm not completely happy with it. Blah. Still own nobody._

Kei ran it through his head once more.

When had they run out of things to say? When had Luka stopped caring? When had Kei begun to feel more comfortable on his own? The whole thing formed a knot of black space in his stomach, and the unanswered questions made him feel sick. Most nights he had to remind Luka to even hunt, which he did automatically, without his usual lazy elegance. He was only doing it to keep Kei happy.

But Kei wasn't happy.

He could just remember the last lucid conversation they'd had, recalling Kei's earlier question. When he thought about it now, he couldn't help but wonder if that question had been the beginning of it all, or whether Luka would have spiralled downwards anyway.

"You never did tell me why you turned me," he'd said, trying to sound casual so that Luka wouldn't pick up on it.

"I didn't?" Luka's voice was quiet and weary, as it so often was, when he still spoke at all. He didn't sound like he particularly cared. "It's not important. It was just a snap decision anyway. You don't need to know."

This wasn't the answer he'd expected. Snap decision? Kei was stunned. A snap decision was enough to make him into this? Impossible! Luka was hardly the most spontaneous person in the world. This couldn't be right. "That's it? A snap decision?"

"That's right," came the deadly calm affirmation.

"There was no more ... meaningful reason?" Kei couldn't hide his disappointment. _Great, now my life has meaning,_ he thought sarcastically. "What, did you get bored or something?" He didn't expect a reply.

But Luka flicked his eyes over to the younger man. "Vampires don't get bored," he corrected, and there was a faint tinge of emotion to his words, but what it was, Kei couldn't tell. Irritability, perhaps. "No, we get lonely. I didn't say there were no reasons. It was a snap decision based on very good reasons."

Only Luka could sincerely mean something like that. That was a good sign. There was something left of him. Or was he just trying to make Kei feel better? Kei decided to push his luck. "What reasons?"

The older vampire shook himself suddenly, as if dispelling a bad dream. "Maybe I chose the wrong man after all," he mused out loud. "I should have chosen one who wouldn't ask annoying questions and who would just be damn happy with what he's got."

"Are you happy?" ventured Kei. A challenge.

Luka ignored it and glared at him with mock severity. "This is exactly what I'm talking about." But the look in his black eyes said that he didn't really mean it. Kei almost hugged him. He was still able to come back. Now to find a way to keep him here.

He'd really believed there was hope for Luka then.

He hadn't even noticed the gradual slide into... this. Whatever that was, whatever was wrong with him now. If he skimmed his memories now, it was as clear as day. First he got more and more cynical, more jaded. Even if he had noticed it then he wouldn't have dared say anything, fledgling that he had been. It was hard to detail how he had become this shell. If he could look back to before he had become a vampire, he would have seen these changes beginning already, and then with the arrival of Kei, he had revived. Luka had even thought there was hope for himself. He had found his cure. But whether it was too late, or it was just inevitable anyway, the decline started again, slower than before, but still there.

Kei didn't know all this. He only knew that the only way he could get Luka to come back into himself was to provoke him until he couldn't bear it anymore. But he was wearying of the effort, of acting all the time. And he was getting fewer and fewer results. The moments of lucidity dried up like a stream in a dry season, ands Kei found that he was acting the fool for a brick wall.

_Just how long have you been a vampire? _he wondered, though he knew it was too late to ask him. Even if he understood the question, there was no guarantee he'd bother answering. But it was more likely that he'd be buried so deep within his own mind that he wouldn't be able to hear the question, let alone understand.

"What am I supposed to do now?"

He spoke out loud, knowing there would be no sign of comprehension from Luka. He said it because he longed for the familiar comfort of a human voice, even his own. Human. Well, it was the best he could come up with. Was there even a word for people like him? There was, he realised. It was 'monster'. But that wasn't what he wanted. Oh, to be mortal again! To have only simple worries and simple joys, and death far from him at all costs!

"I want you back, Luka," he said sadly, watching his ever-silent companion, and feeling his heart break. If he'd ever had one. "I can't bear this loneliness; you were right. I'd rather be alone now."

But he still showed concern in his hopelessness, and continued to care for his mentor, hardly taking his eyes off him. He was learning patience, and resourcefulness, and cast off his young, trusting nature with the ease of a snake wriggling out of an old used skin. _Was it always so easy?_ he wondered. _I should have done it before._ He felt lighter, freer, sharper. More real, less human. He understood Luka. He understood survival, how it's not enough to hunt every night, and concealment is sometimes more important.

But he never again felt even a twinge of guilt when he stole from his victims.

If Luka could see him now, he would have known he had failed. Kei was just as gone as he was. But he didn't, because he barely noticed what was going on anymore. His blank, empty eyes were turned elsewhere. They held on to each other, because there was nothing else to hold on to. Luka went through the motions of what life they had under Kei's watchful eye, and Kei used Luka to hide from himself what he was doing to his soul. And then...

And then Luka was gone.


	3. End

Chapter 3 - End of Everything

_Moon Child is not mine. Kei is not mine. Luka is not mine either. Anyone noticing a pattern here?_

It was obvious, he realised later. It was so obviously going to happen. He had been prepared for it, as much as he could. Strange, he didn't know he'd been expecting it until it had happened. It had been a bad night anyway; Luka's antics had just crowned it all.

He'd been careless. It had taken to long to get Luka to brush close enough to reality to feed. They'd chosen the wrong victim. There were probably hundreds of factors, and working them all out would achieve nothing. The fact remained that what had happened stayed happened. How were they to know that their victim had friends who were still conscious enough to notice he'd gone missing, led out the back by two strange men? How were they to know that they'd search for him? Or that the police would become involved?

They'd caught Luka in the act. _It couldn't have been much more perfect if it had been a scene in a film_, thought Kei bitterly. Just to spite himself, he pictured the scene again. They couldn't even have tried to wriggle out of it. When Luka raised his head, seeming more like his old self than ever, two neat, fresh blood trails streamed from his lips, and the blood was still pumping feebly from the puncture wounds in the victim's neck. Kei had seen the look on Luka's face. It said, "Do you _mind_?"

Was Luka...?

He'd taken advantage of the horrified silence of the onlookers and sprang catlike to his feet. Kei was convinced. He was acting as if nothing had happened. Was he cured...? "Luka!" he'd cried in surprise. What had happened to the deathly indifference?

The older vampire raced towards him, seizing Kei by the wrist as he passed. He let out a shocked yelp. "What the-?"

"Don't just stand and gawk. Run! Questions later," Luka hissed to the wind.

Kei could only follow. Luka took a twisting, mazelike route, winding through alleys and darting around corners. Just to confuse, he occasionally tore through a crowd on a main street, then flashed back into an alleyway. Kei's head began to spin, as brick walls and graffiti and bright light sped by him again and again. _Are we going in circles?_

Finally Luka collapsed against a wall. He gestured for Kei to stop and wait, breathing heavily. _He's out of shape if he's worn out now_,thought Kei. He was barely breaking a sweat himself. "Are you okay?" he asked, still confused by his sudden energy.

"Never better," panted his companion.

"What was wrong before?"

"I had... something... to think about. Now I've made a decision, I feel much better."

Vague as usual. Kei put it down to Luka being Luka. "You'd better not do that to me again," he warned, half-serious.

Luka laughed, and there was a strange, jarring edge to the sound. "Oh, I won't. I promise you that."

He hadn't even noticed. Luka had practically told him what he was going to do, and it had just flown over his head. A dull light, a torch light, had begun to move around the opening to the narrow, filthy alley. "Let's go," he murmured, still cautious. They went.

Luka stopped again later, and maybe they were safe now, but Kei felt uneasy just the same.

"Hurry up," he hissed, glancing around for signs of pursuit, though there had been none for some time now. "Did you get enough?" he asked, referring to Luka's last meal.

"I had to stop halfway through." He wiped the drying blood from his chin, leaving a rough red smear.

Kei cursed himself for being so inefficient. Luka should have fed first! He himself could have, _should_ have, waited until later if necessary.

The older man noticed his anger, and a humourless smile flitted across his face. "It doesn't matter," he chuckled. "I'm giving up."

"But-!" This isn't happening. This can't be happening. Oh God, _why is this happening_? "What will I do without you?" he asked at last. His lost, plaintive voice would at any other time have caused Luka to rethink. His large, dark eyes gazing up at him in puppydog fashion would have led to some serious soul-searching.

_Not today, kid. I'm not falling for it. Behind those pretty eyes lurks the steel mind of a vampire. You're not the same as you used to be. Better just to stand alone now, and if it all fucks up then you can follow my lead. _"Find yourself another 'friend'."

"Luka!"

_You're good_, he mused. _I could almost believe you really cared about me, and that you weren't just scared to death of the loneliness, of the responsibility, of the unknown. Who knows, maybe there's a little humanity left in you after all._

The sound of incoherent voices reached them across the greasy air. Kei leapt to his feet. Them? He didn't know. Luka scented his fear and played along.

"Come on." He began to lead the way again. He felt old, old and weary, and he didn't know if he could keep up the running, but it wasn't long now, and then it would be over.

"Where are we going?" asked Kei. He didn't sound as if he was running at all.

"Just a detour." Luka was aware that the strain was telling on him.

_Detour to where?_ Kei thought angrily, but he waited. He'd find out, soon enough. He did. Too soon, to his mind.

"We're at the beach," he said when they arrived.

Luka walked across the sand, a contented look on his face. "Observant today, Kei." He bent down and picked up a handful, watching the soft, dark grains sift through his fingers to create a smoky trail in the air. Kei stayed standing where he was.

"You should hurry," he urged. "It's almost dawn."

"Did you know I was from a fishing village?" said Luka, ignoring him. "I've lived all my life by the sea, and until now I'd almost forgotten what she looked like. I come to visit her sometimes, but always in the dark, and I can see nothing but a great black surface that sparkles with the stars. I don't think I could bring to mind now what she looks like in the sunlight. Or even at dawn, with the sun turning her a fiery molten red." He sighed.

Alarm bells began to ring in Kei's head.

"I think I'll stay and watch her." He sat on his heels in the sand near the tide line, gazing into the waves that rumbled up to caress the beach.

The sky was lightening.

"Luka, come back. We'll come back tomorrow night, I promise." Kei ran over to him, in an attempt to bring him back.

"Go back yourself," he snapped, shaking him away. "Alone."

He had gone back, thankfully. _It's not your time,_ Luka thought. It was later than Kei had thought. The sun sent a tiny, bright ray over the horizon. There were no clouds today. He felt no pain, just the serenity that comes when something his happening that should be happening. _A good end_, he thought with approval. _This is the way it should be._ He began to sing softly, under his breath.

"Yuugure ni..."

Kei watched him, out of sight. He hadn't sought shade yet, and he felt the unfamiliar smarting of the sunlight. Something like steam began to rise around him. The pain was unbearable, but he didn't leave until it was over.

Everything was over.


	4. Aftermath

Epilogue - Aftermath

_A/N: I think I've come further than my Forgiveness days, what do you think? I got the original thing going, at least. I got a few reviews pointing out that I was basically retelling the movie in Forgiveness, which I set out not to do in this one. So now I wreck all of that and write another movie scene! But strangely enough, it didn't feel like I was rewriting this one. Does that show? Moon Child belongs to... I don't know. Not me, that's for sure. Who does Moon Child belong to?_

He hadn't fed in nights. He tried to count exactly how many, but found that it was impossible. They ran into each other like water. Or blood. He closed his dark eyes in an attempt to dispel the thought. Not blood. He was tired, God he was so tired, and every night was the same. Full of memories and confusion and despair and pain as he resisted those sharp, vampire urges. To drink and continue this madness. To continue the fake imitation of life he had put together. He used to hate endings, when he was young and wanted happiness to go on forever. Was he paying for that now? Faced with the endlessness of this thing called 'immortality', he couldn't imagine a more gentle blessing than an ending to life. _And they still want to live forever_, he thought scornfully. _Fools. They'll never learn._ Of course not. To learn they'd have to become like him, and he wouldn't wish that upon anyone. But... but it wasn't quite endless, was it?

_No. You left me, Luka. You wise old son of a bitch._

His hair hung long and filthy around his face, forming dark stripes across dull, half-closed eyes. Kei didn't know or care where he was, and too weak with hunger to do anything about it. He was sitting upright, sprawled against something, but it was pure coincidence that whatever was behind him formed a right angle with the floor. He could just as easily have been lying down, or found himself in some ridiculous position. It made no difference to a dead man. One leg was carelessly drawn up and one arm rested on something that may have been a box. Insects swarmed the dusty floor.

It was as good a place as any to die.

Any second now the sun would come up. He had become adept at reading the time of night by the feel of the air, the temperature and the different sounds. He'd crawled in here, too weak to walk, as soon as the silver moonlight teased and tormented him awake. It had been hours now, and the nights were warmer now with the coming of summer. But even the flies avoided him. They knew what he really was.

_You had the right idea, Luka. I should have followed you then. You never let yourself get in such a pathetic state, and you blazed out like a star on the beach, next to your sea. A real romantic end. What would you think of me now? Did I fulfil your expectations?_

There was a place where the roof of Kei's rough shelter had collapsed, and through it the sky eased from blue to grey, the colour that for years had been the last warning for him and Luka to seek shelter. They rarely left it so late. Kei made a point of looking at it now, opening his stiff eyelids to turn his eyes to the patch of light, pupils contracting. He defiantly held the sky's gaze until he was forced to blink, eyes watering painfully. He closed them again, allowing them to recover in the cool darkness behind his eyelids. That wuld be the last time he saw the sky that colour. He would have smiled, but he thought it inappropriate. Perfect composure. That was how Luka had done it.

_Any minute now,_ he thought, satisfied suddenly. _Any-_

A small, deft hand reached out and touched his watch, shattering the mirror-perfect atmosphere.

Dark eyes snapped open.

-End-

_Wow, you made it this far! I'm proud. Review please._


End file.
